‘Everything I’ve worked for, I’m going to lose’

by Melanie Lennon

Photo credit: Shayla Lee's Instagram 

The music industry is just one of the many areas currently facing the effects of COVID-19. From cancelled shows to jobs lost, those involved in the world of music are dealing with many stressors during this time.

One of these people is 23-year-old concert photographer, Shayla Lee of Edmonton, Alta. She spoke to me about the emotional toll this pandemic is having on her as someone already coping with mental illness.

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What impact has COVID-19 had on your career?

So, I was doing freelance editing for a company for about three years, so I would edit articles. And then I kind of transitioned to doing like concert photography, like, probably the past year or so. And this year kind of transitioned into something where I was making money from it and really getting to work with artists and starting to do more creative directing. And basically, overnight, it changed. I was in Florida for a festival called Okeechobee and that was like, the last festival that I did. I was supposed to be doing South by Southwest, Austin. It got cancelled. I ended up booking a flight home about two weeks early just because of, like, how bad everything got. It got really bad, really quickly and when I got home I was quarantined for two weeks. I was still doing my online editing job, which I was super lucky to have that for an income. But I did get laid off from that.

How did you react when you heard about the severity of COVID-19?

It didn't seem real at first. Like, I don't know, it just, it didn't seem like real life. It felt like a dream or something. And then it's kind of like, you don't know how bad everything will get and then you don't know when it's going to end. So, for somebody with anxiety or depression or panic or whatever, it's really overwhelming to not know.

I understand you’ve been attending online therapy sessions during this time. How long have you been seeing your therapist?

I've been seeing my therapist for about two and a half years now. And I started seeing her when I was living in Vancouver. So, when I moved away from Vancouver and began travelling a lot more I would do online sessions with her. But since I was frequently in Vancouver, probably like 25 per cent of my time, I would still do some in-person sessions.

What’s the biggest difference between online sessions and in-person sessions?

I see the main difference is just like going like, physically going to therapy is a little bit different than just like doing it on your computer. But luckily, because I've been seeing my therapist for so long, I feel like we already work so well together. And she knows what helps me and I know kind of like, how-to guide my therapy session, so there hasn't been like too much

like a shift. So, I feel really, really lucky about that. But I think if I was somebody that hadn't gone to therapy before and had to start with the online sessions, it would be kind of overwhelming because it doesn't seem as real when it's just somebody behind a computer.

Have you noticed a shift in your mental health since the beginning of this pandemic?

It's so weird because it's something that like, changes basically every single day. And it's something that lots of my friends have been saying as well. Like, I'll have three really good days and I'm like, ‘I'm loving this, I'm loving the time just to be able to like, cook and bake and do whatever.’ And then I'll have a really down day when I'm thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, I miss shooting shows so much.’ And it's really sad not knowing like when we're going to have that back because that's such a huge part of my life.

How have you been staying motivated during this time?

It's so hard because sometimes I get like, really down and I'm going to have to start from square one once shows come back. And I get like in my head, I'm like, ‘Everything I've worked for, I'm going to lose.’ But then my therapist told me that, she's like, ‘Everybody is in the same position as you. Nobody is able to shoot because there's no shows right now.’ So just trying to, like go through and edit old photos, or even just like, I did a social distancing photoshoot with one of my best friends outside. Anything creative, even if it's not photography, I'm trying to not solely focus on that because I think that would stress me out too much.

What advice would you give to someone right now who is feeling overwhelmed but is hesitant about asking for help?

I would say, if you need to reach out, it's okay. You're not alone. So many of us are experiencing things that we've never felt before. And it's really overwhelming and scary and not knowing, like you said earlier when this is going to end, like, we don't have an end date. So, for somebody with mental health issues, the uncertainty is a huge trigger for us. So, if you do need to talk to somebody, it's okay to reach out to a therapist. Or if that's not an option, financially, there's so many online forums, there's so many online communities.